There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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