One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
