Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
