I think I died a long time ago.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
