So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My cat gives me a boner
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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