the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
