i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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