what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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