bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
