He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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