Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
