I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
