Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
