The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
