half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
