When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
