i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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