last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
