I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
