In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
