flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize