And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
