you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
