my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
