Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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