really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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