You just made me feel so damn special
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
