My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize