honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
