Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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