The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize