so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
