why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
