How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
