note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
