Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
