Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
