I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
