so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
