At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
