can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My feet surprised me
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