and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He has the fingertips of a God
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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