Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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