I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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