we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
