Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
