i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize