1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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