hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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