she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
