Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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