i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
