i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
