Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
