I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
