i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
