Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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