if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
