"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
