i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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