I puked a lego.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You are the jesus of drinking
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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