I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize