Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
