If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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