sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
