go do what you do best...puke behind churches
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
