My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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