this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
