i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
