so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
