I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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