Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
