susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
